merry christmas, nik!

nik joined the workforce mid last year. his lacking in experience in construction works did not stop him from being ushered into the fold. knowing maam P personally and the rest of the pioneers in the company obviously worked in his favor. his moniker 'nik kakanin' is not without reason. he was peddling biko, maja, mais, lumpia among others, when he was supposed to be completing formal themes in school. but there's another factor that makes nik clicked to many. where he is lacking in experience he makes up for the looks.

good looks. kutis artistahin, lean physique, winsome smile, all added to his charms. indeed he was blessed with rare beautiful genes that proved to be important to our evolution. nik, with his unadulterated manliness, can easily give some of the star circle members a run of their money.

coming from a poor family is not a sin but to remain impoverished throughout could be. wanting in opportunity to have a proper education, deserted by his father at a very young age, having an incarcerated mother for substance abuse, nik grew up with his aging lola who cooks kakanin for a living. between school and survival, nik opted for the latter a decision that he would wistfully revisit at times but not without ready justification, "hanirap sir pero di ko rin po pinagsisihan. ayoko ko pong makitang nagugutom ang lola ko."

at 20, nik is not naive to the ways of the world but swears he never tried drugs. he'd been badly beaten by bystanders while plying his trade. robbed several times of the day's earnings. did errands for students of dlsu. bribed the guards of the best resorts in town with kakanin for a cool dip in the pool. he worked as a crew in a garment factory and a delivery boy for a water station. he's married at 18 and a father at 19.

nik is earnest at work. he does whatever he's told to do without any complaints. but there were days when he's a bit sluggish. blame it on beer nights with peers at work. "nakikisama lang sir."

it came as a surprise to me when words spread about his involvement in petty pilferage over copper wires. it happened one sunday morning when most of the stay-in workers went home to their respective families the night before. nik was seen by an 'old timer' coming down heavy with a backpack from the bodega at the second floor where the wires are being kept. "tiningnan ko lang naman sir kung naka-lock ang pinto kasi walang tao maiiwan sa barracks." skinned copper wires are sold for P300/kilo at the junkshop. maam P could do nothing with the allegations but to gave him the ax.

the last time i saw nik was when he came to the office to sign his last payslip. "sori po sir, pero di ko po ginawa ang bintang sa akin."

months passed and we haven't heard a word from him. not even a text message. until last night when someone knocked at the window of my car while i was caught in a traffic near dasma bayan. i couldn't believe it was nik. the face smiling outside the window was somewhat bony. the hair had colored streaks in it. but the thick straight eyebrows, round dark eyes, pearly white teeth, soft pinkish lips, and smooth fair face it's unmistakably nik!

"pamasko...walang trabaho...anak...gatas..." nik was still talking when the car in front of me started moving. "lika na pasok, usap tayo," unlocking the door, i motioned to nik to get in the car.

while waiting for the food to be served, nik started talking, recounting his travails after he was terminated from the company. he took odd jobs, "pa-extra extra kahit saan pwedeng kumita." but stable income proved elusive. this prompted nik to 'endorsed' his wife and kid to his in-laws, a decision that has been tormenting him.

back in the car after having dinner, i pulled a P200 bill and hand it to nik, "sensya na ito lang makakayanan ko, sana makatulong sa pangangailangan mo."

nik examined the two hundred peso bill that i was holding like it was a foreign thing to him. "sir, sensya na po ha, baka isipin nyo anong klaseng tao ako, pero naiisip ko na rin magbenta ng sarili ko makabili lang ng gatas para sa anak ko at madalaw ang mag-ina ko."

utter despondency is written in his face and voice. "kesa magnakaw po ako o mang hold-up ito ang naiisip ko, sarili ko lang madudumihan," he fiddle the bill with his fingers while justifying the means that he knows best.

"kaya mo? pano kung malalaman ng asawa mo?"

"kakayanin kailangan e. bahala na, haharapin ko na lang asawa ko pagmalaman nya. pero temporary lang naman ito, sir, kung sakaling papasukin ko na nga ang ganitong gawain." there's an utter determination in his voice.

i don't know if nik was faking it all with me. i don't know if nik was simply egging me on. i don't know if i was just being taken for a prey by a cunning predator. i don't know if nik has long smelled 'fishy' about me. but i must admit that the thought of hooking up with him also crossed my mind. not just tonight but especially tonight.

here we are, two people battling with our own evils: nik for the money while i wrestling with my carnal desires. emotion and reason were tugging each other, one trying to outsmart the other. corny it may sound but whenever i'm in doubt or in a tight fix especially with myself, i turn to prayer.

without second thoughts i safely swerved to the right. a lighted signage with red letters happily spelled out across the board assured me that we are on the right place. nik was silently craning his neck while i was maneuvering to the parking. "sir, anong gagawin natin dito?"

i snatched back the P200 bill and a heads up for nik. "tara, bili tayo gatas para sa baby mo."

nik's round eyes suddenly grew bigger. his face suck up all the glow from the fluorescent lights in the surroundings. he was like a child once again trying to brush off disbelief from his eyes at the sight of an unexpected gift, "talaga, sir???"

"merry christmas, nik!"

"thank you po, sir. madadalaw ko na uli bukas ang mag-ina ko."